Helping those lost at sea

The following is a comment that was posted to another one of my blogs. It is worth sharing because there are many people like this young man.  I'll say something about how I responded at the end.

Success built to last.

I am 32 years old and I am lost at sea. I can't express it any clearer than that. How can you figure out which way to go when you've absolutely no idea where you've been? Lately, my life feels like a twisted mass of confusion wrapped in a ball of utter frustration floating a million miles out to sea.

I know deep in my heart and sole that I am a good person and that I was meant to do something for someone on this planet.

My heart is so filled with passion it can hurt sometimes, but I don't know what for! Is this even possible? Some days I feel I could literally drop to the floor with mental exhaustion because I cant figure out why I'm here and what it is I am here to do. From the second I rise in the morning until the second I fall asleep at night/morning my mind searches for an answer to that question. Why am I here?

What is it I was designed for? It doesn't bother me who or what designed me, just why?
Some being or process has constructed me so specifically, unlike anyone else on the planet, for a reason, what is that reason?

I have read books by the dozens! left a career of fifteen years behind me and pursued other interests in business hoping to feel a change somewhere sometime inside, but I haven't. I examine and scrutinize every aspect of my friends and families lives to see what direction they're heading and more specifically, Why? but the answers never arrive!

Am I losing my mind completely? Why is it that everyone else I know is happy to have a roof over their head and food on the table. All quite content with clocking in and out every day, wandering about the supermarket on a Saturday and flying off to spain twice a year? When id live happily in a box in an wet alley, if I could just figure out which direction to go.

This sounds like I need some sort of therapy reading back on it and I admit I probably do.
I just don't get it! I am, in general a lively person and like life as much as the next person. I have plenty of friends and a wonderful family. But that void in my life is like a ticking clock in my ear that wont fade until I take a step in the right direction. A step closer to figuring out how to figure out what I am here for or what I need to to do to understand or accept what I am here for.

But tonight I feel different, tonight I feel a tingle like I have never felt before. Tonight I have a clearer mind frame and focus about me. It's as though my brain has taken a different route to understanding, with a very beautiful and new view along the way! Tonight I have made a decision to challenge the beliefs I have being relying upon for making life's great decisions. Because Tonight I have opened a book that has clicked so many pieces of my mental jigsaw of life, love, prosperity and success into place that I'm practically shaking with excitement and relief that there is land ahead and my trip to sea seems to have an end in sight.

Tonight I am allowing myself to be inspired and allowing myself to find my own way.
I am going to challenge conventional wisdom and unearth new possibilities for success that last in my life relationships and work. Tonight I start again and tomorrow will be a new and successful day even if it isn't.

When I was a young man, I had these kind of days. Days when the passion to live was countered by the confusion and doubt that often accompanies young people.  I remember that I really didn't have too many people who would understand what I was going through. So, my first inclination at 4:00 am was to write him back.  If nothing else, this young man would know that someone care enough to take the time to respond, even if what was said was way off the mark.

So, I wrote the following.

Thank you for comment.

I want to be helpful to you. There are many people who feel like you do, but don’t have the courage to say it. So, thank you for your courage, and may God guide you to some peace and direction in your life.

I want to say just a couple things, and give you an “assignment” that may help.

You aren’t going crazy. This well of emotion and passion that you have is being dug deeper in preparation for something that will fit who you are just right. At 32 years old you have a lot of life ahead of you. You have plenty of time to change the world. I’m 53 years old, and plan to work into my 80s, simply because I know I can and want to. I’m not interested in living a retirement life. I want to live a life that matter until I die, hopefully, most likely after I pass 100 years.

You can’t judge your sanity by the fact that others settle for less in their lives. You obviously have high ideals and standards and want them fulfilled. You just need some clarity and direction. I’m glad you wrote because this is how I spend my days with clients, helping them identify where they are going and the steps they need to take to get there. I want to establish a relationship with you so that you feel that there is at least someone who understands and that I can turn to when I need it.

I’d like to take you through a little exercise. I’d rather do it face-to-face, but since we are on different continents, that are not possible this morning.

Then I took him through the Four Questions exercise.

The key to helping people in this situation is not to stir up either more emotions or false hopes. Rather it is best to get them focus on doing something very tangible.  The Four Questions help guide people to a recognition of what needs to be done. 

This young man is not the first person who has entered by online space to become a person who needs someone to listen. I'm glad that I had the time yesterday morning to write him.

Later in the day, I heard back from him.

Thank you so much for your reply. To think that someone has gone to such efforts to respond after reading my comments just blows my mind completely. As a matter of fact I was so overwhelmed I started to cry. I don't know why, a wave of emotion just blew over me. I suppose it's some form of relief that someone out there has listened, understood and has been kind enough to think, how they could help!

I really don't know what I set out to achieve by posting my comment. What I do know is I felt better after doing so. I came to some realisation that I needed to make some changes but never in a million years did I expect such a warmhearted, understanding and productive response. I take your comments and suggestions very seriously and will think hard on them for a couple of days before sending you a reply. I would be more than happy to establish a relationship with you and if there is anything I can do for you don't hesitate to ask.  I really cannot thank you enough for taking the time to do what you have done.

My point in sharing this interaction is that there are people in your office, in your neighborhood, working out next to you in the gym, married to you, or in cyberspace somewhere who needs just this kind of caring interaction.  They are reaching out for help, and you are the person that are approaching.  The best thing to do is be caring and honest.  Share your life experience and let them come to realize that they are not alone.

Comments

[Ellen Weber]

Ed, you add meaning back into the gaps of any day that leak it out! What an amazing email - response and approach to share that meaning and begin to heal the gaps a day can create.

Thanks Ed to you and to your commentor - for inspiring the rest of us. STAY BLESSED!